I miss you, miss you

One year ago today was one of the saddest days of my life. Late on the night of the 15th we learned that you died. It was the most shocking phone call I've ever received. I remember where we were, what we were doing, who called, where I was sitting, who I was with....I remember it all. But it didn't really hit me until the next day. You really were gone. The timing was tragic. The circumstances were awful. You, one of my best friends who was so full of life, was suddenly in an instant taken from this world. You were such a big part of my life. You were there through high school, an annoying sophomore always begging for rides home from school :), you were there through my crappy boyfriends, you were there for me when I was really wrecking my life to bring me back on course, you were most of the reason I finally found Josh and you helped us make it through our rough patches, you were there for me through both deployments to Iraq even though you were the one at war and I was still in the comfort of my own home, the tattoo parlor when we got matching tattoos, you were there at my wedding, you were there through all my crap. I hope I was there for you as much as you were for me. You always brought me down to earth when my hot-headed self would get a little crazy. You took good care of me. I was telling Josh the other day how I never worried about you when y'all were in Iraq. I always worried about Josh, but I always just knew you were going to be fine. You were larger than life. It's still unbelievable that we lost you. Afghanistan is a shitty country. I hate that that's where you took your last breath. I still have dreams about you. Usually they consist of some weird circumstances where I am trying to take care of you (during a hurricane). I'm not much into dream analyzation, but I assume it is my need to control what happens in life. I couldn't control the reality of your life, so in my dreams I try. I can't imagine how hard it is for Nicole and Addy or for your parents. We were just friends and I'm still devastated by your absence. But I know where you are today. I find so much comfort in that. Your dad said some really great stuff at church yesterday and it was really helpful for my healing to hear how he and Andrea have been healing. We can find joy and happiness in the fact that we will all be reunited with you again one day. I look at Addy growing up through pictures and she looks just like you. I wish I could just sit and hug her. She is the closest thing to you left on this earth. We had a family picnic on Saturday so we could all get together and remember you in our own ways. We rented one of those moonwalk waterslides and all I could think about was when Wally bought one of those and we busted it really late at night. And since Wal-Mart was 24 hours, Wally went and bought another one :) We were some crazy kids. Your dad and Andrea came to the picnic. I love getting to sit and talk with him because he has your laugh. He laughs and I am taken back into all of the wonderful memories with you. I miss you every day. I think about you all the time. Rest in peace, my friend. I will see you again someday.

The night will go on, my little windmill.